10st 2 (post-Christmas, but still, not good) grey roots 0 fantasy cigarettes 0

1. 25 p.m. Spent all morning in the kitchen wrestling with Delia and produced a very creditable Thai Green Curry with Stir Fried Bamboo Shoots and Fluffy Rice. C. comes in from garden, hair full of lawn mowings (in December mark you) and says ‘I thought we were having turkey sandwiches and pickle?’ After lunch took 30 mins to scrape burnt bits out of wok and consoled self with fantasy in which Hugh Grant confesses he prefers older women.

1.30 p.m. Have just endured 20 minute phonecall from Sylvia boasting about profusion of grandchildren, all gifted to the point of genius and another one on the way possibly twins. Explained I was grateful to have healthy children who were enjoying their adult freedoms and building sound careers for themselves.

1.35 p.m. Why haven’t I got grandchildren? Why why why? Am totally inadequate mother children never phone and will be lonely old widow once C. pops clogs (any day now since refuses to give up cheese).

6 p.m. Just back from two blissful hours at Maison Kevin. Even the smell of a hairdressing salon is calming, and always enjoy a visit that does not entail touching in roots (had them done just before Christmas so photos would turn out nicely). Feel much better now, and will give C. his turkey sandwiches and pickle which he can eat in front of the snooker video he got for Christmas with a glass of beer. Will be perfect wife caring for grizzled husband taking well-earned retirement after lifetime of hard work.