Tuesday February 23rd
Weight unknown, items ironed uncountable but must be in three figures.
8 pm. Have spent last two days ironing everything Colin owns and checking for lost buttons, broken zips etc. Do not want Una thinking he left me due to incompetent man maintenance. Have also bought him new toothbrush and cord for dressing gown (currently he ties it up with the starter cord from the old lawnmower, handle dangles down in front most unpleasantly).

Will Una ever see him in his dressing gown? Quite likely, as he is currently getting out of bed at lunchtime and watching TV for several hours in his pyjamas. Once dressed he goes to the shed with the cordless phone and a torch so he can phone Bridget and tell her what a terrible person I am. Meanwhile I am steaming creases into his underpants and checking that he’s got razorblades, just in case he ever starts shaving again. Back aches now, will just have hot bath.

9 pm. Bath used to be simple matter of hot water and a few bubbles. These days have to put hair in rollers, put on face pack, scrub feet to remove hard skin and drench entire body in moisturiser once dry. More like military operation than relaxing soak. Exhausted. Going to bed.

Friday February 26th

What a week. Slipped out on Wednesday for a delicious lunch with J while C moved out, came back to find C trying to wrestle the lawnmower into the back of the car. That was the extent of his packing. I was tempted to say ‘won’t you need a few clothes? Is Una supplying pots and pans? Tea towels, washing up liquid? Loo roll, shampoo, carpet sweeper?’ but I thought no, let him find out the hard way that I’ve been a one-woman supply line all these years.

Sure enough, just before bedtime he was back for toothpaste, and half an hour later he popped back to ‘borrow’ a teaspoon of Horlicks. Next morning he wanted an egg, then rushed back for bread for the soldiers. After he left I got the butter from the fridge and left it on the doorstep – 10 minutes later it was gone.

Sunday February 28th
66 kilos, must be right as have checked several times as way of passing the time, and very odd as have hollow feeling inside so should weigh less.

6 pm Have had a very strange day, wandering round empty house looking at all the stuff that used to mean so much to me. Means nothing now. Phoned Una to check that C was OK and she said ‘he’s with Geoffrey, they’ve gone to Homebase for a lawnmower sparkplug. I don’t know how you stood it all those years Pam.’ Put the phone down quickly before I said anything disloyal to C. Feel bad enough already.

Spent last night with Julio again. Over dinner he gave me that smile of his, the one that makes the skin round his eyes crinkle up so charmingly, so back I went to his hotel. Not quite so, what shall I say, special as last time. The thing is, Colin was never very… and then in recent years he’s barely… so the upshot is I simply don’t have a frame of reference. Anyway as soon as it was over he said ‘oh I have just remembered, it is my mother’s birthday on Wednesday’ which rather put a dampener on things. Then this morning when I woke up he was already showered and shaved and just putting his socks on. Business meeting apparently. I said ‘on a Sunday?’ and he said ‘they are Japanese. I will tell room service to bring your breakfast.’

Feel discarded like an old glove. Found myself thinking of Bridget. I don’t suppose the modern young woman stands for that sort of treatment. Most likely she’s in bed right now with some man who wouldn’t dare put his socks on without her say-so.