Calories almost zero, in fact was sick at bedtime yesterday so calories a minus figure.

08.27 What a terrible day yesterday, just terrible. Started well - sent brief text to Julio asking him to desist texting as I had to concentrate on rebuilding my marriage. Sure this was the right thing to do despite Colin being so emotionally distant (and grass clippings all over hall carpet yet again). Thought this would be the end of it and was in kitchen trying to recreate the fish stew we had in that little restaurant in the hills. Thought it would help C. feel included in the holiday (cockles the very devil to find locally, so left them out). Anyway C. was back in the house for something (see grass clippings above) and he heard my phone beep so picked it up.

Well they say an eavesdropper never hears anything good about himself and the same is true if you look at a person’s personal texts. It was a long one from Julio, professing his undying love for me and including ‘why you stay with that bad man? He no love you like I do’ which was very odd as Julio ’s English is perfect, pressure of emotion I suppose.

And suddenly we got emotion from Colin too, stormed into the kitchen in a towering rage, picked up the fish stew and threw it out onto the daffodil bed by the back door. Said he wasn’t going to eat adulterous food. I maintained, I am please to say, both calm and dignity, although inside I was seething. I said ‘so you completely ignore me when I tell you I am unhappy but at the first whiff of another man treating me like a human being instead of a doormat you turn into a raging bull. Well you can get your own lunch – I expect you can manage some choasted teese.’ I meant toasted cheese of course but by then the emotion was getting to me too.

C. said ‘choasted teese?’ and at that moment the phone rang – Bridget. I let Colin answer it while I went outside to try and save the daffodils – just coming into bud too. He followed me outside and said ‘Bridget wants to come for lunch.’ I said ‘fine, you are cooking’ so he went back in and put her off.

Silence for the rest of the day. He went out for fish and chips, I reheated one of the frozen dinners I made for him to eat while I was away. Too salty – from my tears.

Still not speaking this morning. Where will this end?