65, won’t last as had two helpings of apple crumble and cream at dinner, then finished leftovers for tea plus last of chocolate biscuits, fantasy meetings with Hugh Grant while pushing grandchildren in double buggy 45

09.28 Colin in spare room again last night. Seems to have set up camp in there – noticed biscuit crumbs on bedside table, also he is sleeping in his socks. Two copies of Lawnmower Monthly under the bed, and the little radio from the shed – what’s the betting that is tuned to Radio 5Live?

09.57 Was so far ahead with the lunch (roast pork with stuffing, broccoli and apple crumble with cream) I thought we could have a nice walk – with the oven set on auto-timer it practically cooks itself. Asked Colin if he fancied an amble round the village but he muttered something about being busy and disappeared into the garage.

10.03 Texted Una What are you having for lunch? She texted back Sorry can’t chat Darcy’s due for lunch and can’t find coffee filters. Texted Sylvia What are you having for lunch? She texted back Snrry cant cgat lookng fter grdkids.

1.32 Served lunch on the dot of one, Colin threw it down his gullet, stood up, wiped his mouth and said ‘boys’ll be here in a minute.’ Insists he told me he was playing golf this afternoon with the ‘lads from the Duck and Dressing Gown.’

2.03 Washing up done. Bored.

2.04. Phoned Bridget – got answering machine. Didn’t leave a message. Phoned James. Ditto.

5.45 Well that’s Four Weddings and a Funeral, again. Will wear out tape if I’m not careful. Will have some tea and go to bed early.