? st ? lbs (see below), fantasy grandchildren 17, fantasy TV appearances 6

11.15 a.m. Oh dear, another long Saturday stretches ahead. When I think how manic the weekends used to be, rushing James to rugby and Bridget to tap and ballet (not that she ever got the hang of either), now it’s all Colin and me and TV suppers. If I suggest going out anywhere he says ‘oh it’s much quieter during the week’ and sits back to watch golf, or snooker, or whatever. Now he’s got my new electronic scales in bits all over the dining room table because, apparently, ‘they are fascinating.’ I know, will do some washing.

2.06 p.m. Found new mobile phone in linen hamper. Tracked down instructions in spare room, under paperback copy of celebrity biography – Bridget must’ve left it behind. As soon as I turned it on (phone not biography) it leapt into life and told me I had ‘one message.’ Pressed a few buttons and got this:

Yo ma wlcm to C21 :-) g8t! cul8r. J.

Will tell James to take it back and get refund – it’s obviously broken.