Wish there were scales here, have barely eaten a thing for 24 hours due to wifely worry, Maeve Binchy’s finished 2, husband dead in gutter fantasies too many to count.

07.14 am. What a terrible 24 hours. Spent all day yesterday trying to get in touch with Colin. Goodness knows what they thought of me in the café, constantly phoning. In the end in desperation I phoned Mavis Enderby and asked her to go round there. She said it was a bit late and she’d go in the morning.

10.47 am. Text from Mavis. ‘Colin fine, drank too much so stayed night with Roderick and Gerald, then spent the day at the driving range. Says you left 38 messages on the answering service and no need to fuss.’ What a relief. Colin is OK. Must have some breakfast.

11.02 am. Mmm, must admit the coffee here is good, and someone left a cake out in the kitchen. Need comfort food after what I’ve been through… wait a minute, stayed the night? STAYED THE NIGHT!!! And Mavis knows – I can just imagine what that mucky little mind of hers will make of that. It’ll be all round the village before I get home.

11.07 am. No need to fuss? NO NEED TO FUSS!!!

11.08 am That’s it. Have had enough. Will get bike out and find Una and Audrey, must be on the beach somewhere.

00.17 pm, or am? Thursday really, but who cares. Got lost, missed beach entirely and ended up with puncture by ruined castle inland somewhere. Rescued by knight, no shining armour, shining Mercedes though. Scooped me up, took me to lunch, showed me round local area, took me to dinner in quiet little place only the locals use, with live music. A bit screechy (fardo? farder?) but probably an acquired taste. Dropped me back here a few mins ago, Audrey popped head out of bedroom and said ‘there you are – we missed you at the café.’ I said ‘burger and chips?’ she said ‘yes’ and closed bedroom door.