RESOLUTIONS
I WILL NOT
buy magazines with photos of skinny models
pretend to be natural blonde
keep reminding Colin about state of garage
have pointless fantasies about younger men
criticise Una’s clothes
believe anything ever said by charming young politician

I WILL
lose 10lbs
get roots done every 6 weeks
use pasta maker (or at least get out of box)
start spending savings as can’t take it with you
spend more time with Bridget
devote self to family
buy only organic food
find out what organic means
learn to get computer going myself instead of making Colin pick up emails for me

1 January

10st 4½ (wasting away due to maternal worry), fantasy grandchildren admired by Hugh Grant 3 (but resolutions never start before January 2nd), fantasy victory on Countdown 1.
6.30 p.m. We are going to be late, even though I got Colin into his freshly pressed casual slacks and new Argyll sweater over an hour ago. Instead of quietly reading the newspaper he (and I quote) ‘just thought he’d check the spark plug on the lawnmower.’ Result – grease not only on the slacks but on sweater too. Got him into his second best and put the nice clothes in a strong solution of biological powder to soak.

8.30 p.m. Where is Bridget? She promised me faithfully she would be here on time. I promised Una she would be here. If she doesn’t come it’ll look as if she doesn’t love her mother. Oh to hell with it, will just have another small sherry and… oh, they’re playing Elvis. Must dance.

1.30 a.m. Ooh, feel 16 again (but no acne). Danced all night, I think.