Bruises from crowds at sales 15, money spent £247.39, money saved £56.22, arguments with husband about money 3.

08.30 a.m. Do not believe in undignified scramble at Sales. Have left sandwiches for Colin, caught early train and am watching scenery go by in serene fashion. Will still be plenty of bargains left, am thankful to be old enough and wise enough not to get caught up in Sales fever.

1.33 p.m. Speedy lunch in cafeteria, need protein (ham sandwich) and sugar to replenish energy (currant bun). Am like highly trained member of SAS, have got corner table, back to wall, can see everyone who enters cafeteria. Carrier bags under seat, nice and safe, will repack them in rucksack in a moment so can move through crowds like knife through butter.

4.30 p.m. Home, triumphant. Showed Colin his new underpants, half price, he said ‘what flag is that? Looks like one of those new countries – couldn’t you have got me some plain white?’ Gritted teeth and showed him my new swimsuit, snatched from under nose of feeble woman who was clearly too fat for it. He said ‘that will never fit you.’

8.30 p.m. Swimsuit clearly a factory second – it doesn’t stretch properly. Manicure set in faux leather case will be very useful though, good that I got a second one for Bridget. Too tired to cook, Colin of course most put out at having sandwiches twice in one day. Am now luxuriating in new housecoat (only one button missing) with feet in new footspa. Most bizarre sensation.